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Synchronicities, Letting Go and Nora Ephron

"Rainbows Over Manhattan" Photo by Elana Kilkenny.

"Rainbows Over Manhattan" Photo by Elana Kilkenny.

I feel somehow that Nora Ephron is woven inexorably into the tapestry of my living in this city that I love so profoundly. When I was a college senior I moved into a tiny, slightly decrepit one bedroom apartment in the boondocks section of the Upper East Side. There was scarcely a thing about that particular neighborhood or apartment that felt like me, but on my second night there I went to see "Sleepless in Seattle" in a local movie theater and it hit me...I was living my childhood dream of calling New York City my home. So my apartment was still just an apartment, but I was now at home in New York City.

Years later when I was in my mid-twenties, I found myself blessed enough to buy a one bedroom apartment in my beloved city. And although I had barely spent a minute in all my years in Manhattan on the Upper West Side, somehow my vision of living in New York City was shaped by my adoration of Woody Allen movies and my hundredth viewing of "When Harry Met Sally". My home for fourteen years was in the West 70's and close to Riverside Park. I spent countless strolls passing by the storied Apthorp building. And when I did, I would always look into the courtyard from the street and daydream of all the magical people I imagined lived there. Never realizing at the time that Ms. Ephron was one of those very people.

Years later, I found through a series of synchronicities Nora Ephron's famous love letter in The New Yorker to her apartment in the Apthorp. Somewhere in this timeline, my dear friend Alex D. invited me to the New York premier of "You've Got Mail" and I found myself living out another childhood dream torn from the pages of "The Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler" of being inside The Natural History Museum after hour. Underneath the iconic blue whale stood both Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks who I adore, but it was Ms. Ephron that I was longing to speak to but too shy to approach. No small violins are playing here though, as in that inevitable way that life presents us all with our own full-circle story arcs, I had my opportunity years later to speak with her under much more meaningful circumstances.

So at this point in my own story, here is my love letter to Ms. Ephron that I posted in the wake of her recent passing:

"I will always remember Nora Ephron, not just because I loved her humor and her movies, but because she obsessively loved her Upper West Side apartment in the Apthorp and her article in The New Yorker about letting it go helped me to let go of my own apartment on the UPW that I was obsessively attached to. I loved her because when I was pregnant with my second child, and my aforementioned beloved home was in contract to be sold, I found myself sitting behind her in a movie theater and mustered up the courage to thank her for her Apthorp article. I told her of my heartache in moving and she turned around to me and put her hand on my arm and looked me squarely in the eyes as she said, 'You will feel so stupid that you ever worried about leaving...'

And it being Nora Ephron, it was said with the perfect mix of tenderness, tough love, perspective and emphasis. And of course, as I sit here looking out my window of my new home where I am greeted by rainbows, fireworks, and all the phases of the moon...I know she was right."

With deep abiding gratitude and love,
Elana

Nurturing Yourself Through Your Home: Autumnal Nesting

Photo by Elana Kilkenny.

Photo by Elana Kilkenny.

We have all heard of spring cleaning, well I am a big believer in autumnal gathering. As our days grow cooler and nights draw earlier, the fall is a great time to begin to feather your nest for the upcoming season. For some of you this may mean clearing out your home of clutter and/or things that you no longer love nor support you in your home. Most of us spend more time in our homes in the cooler months, so being surrounded by pieces that nourish you and have positive associations is particularly important to your sense of well being.

It is amazingly freeing to let go of items that weigh you down emotionally and energetically. Are you holding on to things because of a sense of obligation (I should really keep this because so and so gave this to me), from past relationships that you have ambivalence or negativity about, things that you used to love but no longer reflect who you are, etc. Often we hold on to things out of a lack of faith that we won't receive what we really want or out of protection to hold on to a past version for ourselves. In my work with clients over the years I have seen amazing shifts in their lives and homes when they have had the courage and faith to bring their homes into the present and make room for the future.

Some of you may be on the polar spectrum and have very orderly and spare homes. While that aesthetic can be very calming and soothing, you may want to ask yourselves if your environment also reflects any areas of detachment, rigidity, or loneliness that you may experience. If any of this resonates with you, you may want to gather some pieces that soften your home. A great way to nourish your soul and add warmth to your environment is to add accessories and fabrics that are tactile and inviting.

For all of us autumn is a great time to add elements of warmth to our homes which in turn warms us as well. Cozy blankets or throws are great ways to add instant coziness to your environment. For those of you that love tea, buying a fresh stock of aromatic and soothing teas is an affordable and delicious way to enjoy some instant peace. Even though my days are as full as most of you, I find that taking an extra few minutes to sit down and drink some freshly brewed tea in my favorite cup is instantly restorative (I like steeping fresh mint leaves with a bit of raw honey).

If your windows are bare ask yourself is it just a design choice or does it reflect a lack of commitment to settling into your home or does a part of you unconsciously have some boundary issues around personal space (I am not just speaking physical space here). You may be more comfortable in having a choice over the level of privacy and exposure (as well as light) that you want to bring into your daily life.

This is also a great time of year to create a more romantic atmosphere in your home regardless of whether you share your home with a partner or not. Candles are an easy way to add instant romance, as are bath potions and inviting music. If you are interested in cooking, this is also a wonderful time to indulge and bring hearth energy into your home. Autumn is also an opportune time to start or deepen your meditation practice. This is a great way to bring more to your life and to your home. Use your imagination, there are so many personalized ways to lift the energy of your home and your spirits a well!

Some of My Favorite Things for Autumn:

Blankets/Throws:
Splurge: www.ochrestore.com
Visit their store in New York for a larger selection of beautiful and tactile pieces for your home. ABC home store on 19th and Broadway, an amazing selection of pretty much everything for your home (check out John Robshaw bedding).
 

Reasonable: www.barefootdreams.com
Their Cozy Chic line is amazingly soft for adults, children and babies. Wonderful blanket, robes and clothing.


A Tea Moment:
Bodum makes a beautiful and modern range of tea kettles and pots that brew fresh tea. I particularly like the all glass ones even if they require more delicate handling. In New York Cityplaces like Alice's Teacup, Takashimaya and Dean and Deluca have a wonderful selection of fresh and exotic teas to choose from. I also love the French tea company, Mariage Freres.

Raw honey is a delicious and healthy food to have on hand and tastes delicious in tea. After hearing about this from a homeopath at the first sign of a cough or sore throat in our home we have a small spoonful of raw honey (crunchy parts and all).

Favorite Candles:
Splurge: Diptique candles burn incredibly pure and come in tantalizing scents . I am personally obsessed with their Figuier (fig) candle.  A new favorite line of candles is from the French company LostMarch. They come in three scents to set different moods, I love all of them. This line is hard to find in the States but Share with...--a wonderful and friendly store in Montauk, New York--carries them and I believe they ship [(631) 668-2205].

Reasonable: Votivo carries a wonderful line of candles and comes in a beautiful glass jar (red currant is my long-time favorite scent, more sexy than fruity).  Geodesis makes my second favorite fig candle named "fig tree". It is slightly woodsy and reminds of crisp evenings in a foreign countryside.